So That's What Wooden Shoes Are For

So upon arrival on the Netherlands we began to gather general information about what it was like to live here, and upon learning of our transportation in the Netherlands we began to gather information about how the heck you ride bike here in the winter! We were promptly told of the weather here in the Netherlands, how it is milder, it does not snow except for maybe a couple times a year and even then it is just a light dusting. It will rain, but it is nothing you can not handle on a bike. We felt relieved, for after the many harsh South Dakota winters I was not about to attempt to tackle one on a bike, I am an American Dutchmen for crying out loud most of my “strong will” has been lost in translation.
Anyway, as most of you (at least those who are worth anything at all :-) probably know, the first week here in the Netherlands it froze like crazy and we rode to school on a sheet of ice. Needless to say it was an adventure and a first. For who rides bike on ice? I guess the Netherlanders do. We crashed, we laughed, but we arrived at school. It was a good story and being as we just arrived we had not yet lost our romantic appeal for this new land.
Yesterday it began to snow. All the people in this land huddled around their windows and excitement filled the air as they expressed how lucky we were to be here during such a time. I thought I was going to wake up with a Christmas tree and present based on the excitement permeating each passing snowflake. I love Christmas. I love presents. Therefore I was stoked, but I soon realized the terrifying and grotesque truth as the snow continued to fall. Nobody can travel in this land when white things are falling from the air, it doesn’t matter the amount. This applies to Santa as well, and apparently he decided it best to leave Rudolf in the garage while the elves made him a warm cup of coffee in traditional Netherlandic style.
I woke up this morning and the snow continued to fall, but I did not hear the occasional rumblings of snow plows on the streets which so frequently accompany such an event. I began to experience a sort of bewilderment which quickly turned to disgruntled irritation as I realized that the snow they told us would not come did and they are totally unprepared for such an event. Surely without plows for the roads they would not expect us to travel the 20 minute bike ride to Zwolle, but once again this is Europe and all things previously familiar are completely unfamiliar. It soon dawned on me that in all my years of living in snow filled SD I had never rode my bike in the snow. I have many logical reasons for this, but apparently the rules have changed and I strapped up and prepared for the trek.


It started to snow harder. The bike paths were mushy slap pulling us from one side to the other and we soon fell into the long line of bikes trekking into Zwolle (at a faster pace than the cars I might add, the snow traffic here is hilarious:-). We finally made it to class looking like abdominal snowmen abandoning our native habitat in seek of heat. It continued to snow throughout class and slowly my classmates began to file in with most of them failing to show up at all. By the time I left school around 4 hours later the snow finally stopped and approximately 1 foot had fallen with no plows to move it.
The ride home was worse. The slop made it impossible to traverse certain sections of the trip and most people were slowly walking their bikes accepting defeat. I was amazed! Dutchmen accepting defeat?! These people who had conquered the ocean had finally said they have had enough to nature? How could this be? I was soon pulled from my thoughts as my bike hit a patch of ice, my front tired grabbed onto the wet snow, and thankfully my leg caught me from falling completely. I quickly dismounted and proceeded to walk with only my thoughts (and a few other words) to occupy my mind. And here is what I came up with.
Yes, they may be rather clever with harnessing the wind and using its power to drive back the ocean, but you think they could figure out a way for a windmill to do more than just pump water. Those things are ginormous for crying out loud. How about turning them into huge leaf blowers but instead of leaves have them blow snow. Because to tell you the truth, frozen water does not pump all to well, which makes these mills utterly useless. Then my feet started to get cold walking through the snow and I realized that I was in fact wearing my only shoes, my favorite shoes, the greatest shoes in the world that in America have lasted me 2 whole years. They have been my friend. They have hugged my feet with each advancing step. I have adored these shoes, but once again the Netherlands is not a big fan. I think we all know the shoe of choice in this land is wooden. Who the heck would wear a wooden shoe I wondered?! It amazed me, but today as my feet were freezing because of the holes in my shoes I think I finally figured it out.

1. Wood floats. The Netherlands has a ton of water and it is therefore logical that the people here would wear wooden shoes so they have floatation devices just in case the dikes broke through. Well the Dikes have not yet broke so the Dutch people have started to get a little cocky and are starting to wear more modern shoes, especially of the Pumba variety, but I am sure there are still a few hard core Dutchmen out there sporting their floatation devices on their feet.
2. Wood slides easily. In fact, it would work great as a sled. A polished wooden shoe would be absolutely spectacular if I had a rope attached to a moving vehicle. Thus, it appears that these wooden shoes are even prepared for the winter months as they are easily transformed into a type of ski transporting one between locations obviously not passable via bike.
3. There are two shoes. You have two butt cheeks. I believe this one is blatantly obvious! By subtly changing from a standing position to a sitting position you have a Dutch inner tube perfect for traveling down snow covered hills or once again being pulled behind moving vehicles.

There you have it. A three point lesson on wooden shoes, about as good as a traditional Dutch three part sermon, but with intense real world applicability (I only say this because I don’t understand any of the points in a traditional Dutch 3 point sermon because I don’t understand Dutch. Therefore if you are by any chance reading this pastor Cal, worry not. I always find your sermons to have intense applicability [sometimesJ]). Anyway, I believe the trains are running again and I am making a trip out to Paris and Geneva for the weekend. Talk to you all soon!