The Forest

So today our family decided to introduce us Americans to a little thing known as a "Forest" and being as the day was pleasant and the biting wind had finally decided to abate I thought it would be a very pleasant evening for a casual stroll through natures arena. Still, I have been to what people call "forests" countless times and in the middle of winter they are usually nothing spectacular. Actually, in the middle of winter I usually think to myself, "dang I should have cut down that last green tree over there a couple of months ago because it looks a heck of a lot better than the tree we placed our presents around this year!":-) Anyway, I guess this story begins where all good stories begin, at the begining. Some may argue that a truly good story is able to start at any point and the narrator is able to tie all ends together into a coherent whole. Well that person is telling lies, and not begining at the begining is ludacris and rediculous. The person who advocates for such an event should be forced to enter the european bathrooms immediately after their use!
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. We began our walk through the forest by walking along a paved path with evergreen trees magically growing in absolutely strait rows. I in fact initially beleived that the trees were planted there by human hands after much of the forest had been sawed down before your friendly neighborhood EPA saved the day. Bryan promtly agreed with me and we continued our treck through this replanted forest. Yet, unbeknowest to us, the forest was not replanted at all, but this comes later in the story.
Ok, so eventually the walkway gives way to vast opening over a brown land. A land so brown that I was confused how the heck our wonderful hosts could be so wrong in claiming this such a beautiful place. Apparently the winter hinders the beauty and the lack of snow in this land prevents the glistening white coverup I am so frequently graced with back home. Thus, our travels over the bumpy paths were proving rather uneventful and both Bryan and I were a bit unimpressed with this hyped up forest until at long last we stumbled upon somethign so monumental that our previous views of the forest were shattered. For, in the end the forest was not a forest at all, but the domain of one long ago forgotten. One whom many American's proclaim lives only in legands and the ignorant immaginations of youth. Yet, accross the blue atlantic lives just such a creature, and once again myth turns to truth.
Perhaps some of you are able to remember with me the days when cartoons portrayed happy creatures with red cheeks and pointy hats. Or perhaps even more of you have had a similar dream alogn with me to shrink your friends to such a size that they would fit in your pocket and you could take them out during class to play with them on your desk and when your teacher asks what the heck you are doign you could say "What does it look like I am doing" as your friends slowly slip back into your pocket before she is able be at all in the know. Still, the danger remains that you will sit on your friends, and thus my dream has a few safety nets which I should probably talk over with all of you at another time if you have actually ever been able to shrink your friends to such a size. So far I have only experienced this once, with a young man named Luke Vander Leest and his power of Ping. Also, a young girl known as Audrey has a spectacular power to fold up into modern apliances, but i still dont think she has yet mastered the pants pocket. Anyway, once again I shall continue, patience my avid reader, patience.
So Eliza (my host sister), Bryan, and I are walkign up a path in this forest when all of sudden my eyes come accross a sign revealing the most interesting of things, and my jaw quickly dropped! "For goodness sakes, they do exist!" The excitement in my voice was clear to all as peels of joy echoed through the forest floor. I quickly snatched a picture of this sign testifying to the factuality of this claim that Gnomes do indeed exist, and as we gazed at the sign we actually saw a Gnome dart into his home deep in a pile of mounded dirt. Hoping to get a candid interview we quickly knocked at the door, but as we all know Gnomes are extremely isolated creatures seeking out little interaction with the ouside world fearing paparatzi, fame, and the like. Anway, the picture speaks the truth, and my hot model friend Bryan is reinacting the scene of the sighting of the actual Gnome. Further down the path you can see futher evidence of their existence in the fact that the steps up to the royal dwelling are so small. In this picture my foot is used as a visual reference to allow all to view the miniscule steps which clearly are not used by the normal human being.
As we all know Gnomes love to travel fast, usually they travel upon the back of a wild fox or occasionally the domesticated dog, but usually the fox is the way to get around in the life of a Gnome. Yet the intense speeds can often prove to be very dangerous as Gnomes have exeedingly long beards which wildly blow in the wind as they dart to and fro across their land. Therefore, occasionally a Gnome may find its beard tangled in some low lying shrubery which is exactly the case in this picture. Once again Bryan models just how small such a beard would be on a normal human being but on a Gnome this is actually the remains of an elders beard at least 124 years of constant growth.
Up through all this we were in constant search of the Gnomes and we were yet unable to find an opportunity to converse and learn from such spectacular fellows. In fact, we were able to find a few other Gnome dwellings but were unable to convince them to come out from their hiding. In fact, our search took us through much dangerous terrain, and if you read Dutch you will notice that this sign says "Do not enter, Gnomes will gnaw you off at the knees unless you are proven pure in heart and intention and you have a deep, true fascination with Gnomes (And lawn Gnomes {their distant cousins})but in no way want to destroy their humble dwelling or tranquil way of life." Amazingly enough that is pretty much an exact description of Bryan and I. Thus after our travels through the trecherous terrain and our intense determination keeping us focused on our goal, what did we see but the king Gnome himself come out from the outskirts of the forest. It was a truly amazing sight as Eliza, Bryan, and I all froze in awe of the magnificent creature riding swiftly toward us, and as previously mentioned he was riding a domesticated dog. Thankfully to prove the validity of this story sprankten (Gnomes have crazy names) allowed us to take a photo of him to remind people that Myth is in fact reality and in a wonderful forest far way a wonderful people still exist. A people so wonderful that they ride on the backs of dogs and if asked will in fact fit in your pocket and play on your desk during class. Sprankten also told us that the forest was set to be bulldozed and that is why the enterance of the forest is clearly replanted. Instead of the buldozers completely destroying the forest though the Gnomes banded together and prevented the bulldozers from overtakign them because of their intense goodness and unique powers yet to be unvieled (Perhaps in a different post being as this one has become a fricken book). Anyway, I guess what I want my avid readers to know is that things here are much different than back home. A normal looking forest here has things only children (and me) dream of, and we are told of countless other possible adventures available to us all over here in Europe. I hope to keep you updated, and for all you who dream with me that someday your friends will fit in your pocket, well the dream is getting a little closer every day as Gnome discoveries are popping up all over the world including here in Hattem, Netherlands.